Ahh, BodyPump... finally! =)

I went for my first BodyPump class today, after countless months of not getting to do it during the whole my-spine-got-botched-thingy. Darn, I can't even remember without checking my old workout logs, when my last BodyPump class was. (Although I somehow do remember it was the Thursday class and I had like 10kg for the chest track... hmm.) That was a looooong time ago.

So back to today. I loved, loved, loved the class! Both today's class and BodyPump in general.

I have a thing for BodyPump. It always makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside =)

(The fact that I still think triceps push-ups on toes are torture is besides the point.)

I'm tempted to go for tomorrow's class. If the DOMS doesn't kill me when I crawl out of bed tomorrow morning, that is :P

I knew it. Get back to one BodyPump class and once again I'm hooked. I get into the whole "Oh how I missed those barbells and plates!" followed by various sentences gushing about the programme, which will eventually lead to "I wanna pile on more weights..."

As if you didn't see that one coming, LOL.

So now I'll have to constantly repeat (silently of course, duh) the whole "gotta take it slow" (which to me, is no small feat) mantra. See, I KNEW this would happen. I go for one class and that's it, I'm hooked. I can already hear the lil nosy voice at the back of my mind saying "I told you so!"

I can almost smell the whole situation that's about to come... the following weeks are gonna revolve around the internal dialogue along the lines of...

"Off to the gym. I feel like going for BodyPump today!"

"...but I gotta go for yoga *tone gets a lil less chirpy* because Dr. Aaron says I gotta keep up the thrice-weekly yoga/pilates/taichi."

"...but I feel like going for Pump. I miss those barbells and plates..."

Ahh, nevermind the fact that I can't totally live every gym-day immersed in BodyPump (YET!). Gotta keep up the core-stuff. Else if my spine pulls a fast one on me, it'll so chip at my sanity to be weights-deprived again and I'd go out of my mind then.

I must, I must remember to remind myself to not go too crazy with the nifty stuff just yet... gotta take it easy... gotta take it easy...

Darn, I'm happy to get back to BodyPump. Insanely happy. Unbelievable. That class to me is like a drug. Oh, I'll go ahead and use the L-word. This ain't just an addiction... It's love, as I like to call it =)

If You Had 3 Wishes...

Today one of my friends posted this on Facebook:

If you had 3 wishes, what would you ask for?

It's one of those questions that gets asked ALL the time... if I don't hear it coming from someone or another; once every few months, life just isn't normal. But what strikes me today, is the fact that my answers are so different this time, compared to the past.

See, the funny thing is, I've always seemed to put possessions as my definition of happiness. I'd wish for fast cars, posh pads, fame and fortune and an infinite amount of electric guitar and music gear. Ask me that question a year ago and I'd laugh and promptly say: "A ferrari, a penthouse apartment and another thousand wishes."

And today, it's just so different.

If I was given 3 wishes, I would ask for these:

#1: To be perfectly healthy, and for the spine and nerve problems to go away. I want to live normally again, and workout like I used to.

#2: To have the strength, the courage, and the fearlessness to pursue what I want... and to not let people or little things bring me down.

#3: Okay, I'd still ask for extra wishes. (I guess some things never change!)

Don't get me wrong, I still gravitate towards the "fast cars, posh pads, fame and fortune and an infinite amount of electric guitar and music gear." It's just not EVERYTHING to me now.

And that's a good way to feel.

Happy Birthday, Liz! A year wiser but none the older... *grins*

Today's is my best friend Liz's birthday. So this post's dedicated to her. Oh yes, before I start...

Happy Birthday Liz! =)

I should be writing something card-ish but I'm useless when it comes to wishes. So instead, I'm doing...

Pauline's 12 Random Facts 'n' Stuff - A LBirthday Dedication-Thingy For Liz.

1. We've known each other for like, 15 years. Dagnabbit, that's 1.5 decades. Liz, we're getting oldddd :P

2. We used to sing karaoke of really old songs which I never even knew. Like, "To Sir With Love", gosh.

3. We almost did a singing presentation for Teachers' Day. She's always thankful that we did not do it. I secretly thought it was a darn waste we didn't. (Liz, now you know, heehee =P)

4. She's outspoken, genuine, and remains true to herself amidst the people-pleasers and hypocrites so abundant in today's world. Some people just don't get her, which to me is their loss. Because I think she's got some of the most important qualities any person should have.

5. The last I saw her was in 2002. That's ages ago. Now I feel guilty.

6. She's an ectomorph. She's ALWAYS complaining about how she doesn't gain weight, but I know many girls who'd willingly shave 20 years off their lives to have Liz's ability to eat french fries and not gain a pound. Liz, do you know how many hours I work my endo-mesomorph body into the ground at the gym, and I still do not get to eat cheesecake like you do? See, reasons for you to be optimistic :D

7. She used to like that Ballade Pour Adeline song by whom she calls "Richard Keladi-Man" and wanted to play it on the piano. Methinks she could definitely take up playing the piano/keyboards because she tried playing my piano at my house and I think she's got potential.

8. She's an eternal grinch at Christmas and every other major occasion. We have this annual routine of: (1) Wish each other Merry Christmas (2) Then grumble about how allergic we are to the festivities *chuckles* And I like that she's a grinch at Christmas. She's like my grinchy pillar of strength, providing much-needed grinchy-ness when festivities get over-hyped. I'd be out of my mind if it wasn't for her.

9. She has naturally gush-worthy, envy-worthy, great hair. The kind for which girls spend hours at the hairsalon and still not come close. And she's got doe eyes. But don't let those looks fool you, step on her tail and you're pretty much dead meat =P

10. Oh yes, this I *have to* mention. The last I saw her, she was still a no-makeup person. An exception was years back when she was at my house for Christmas. Somehow she allowed me to do makeup for her, and I did the whole kit and caboodle... dark eyeshadow, blush, lipstick, you name it. Oh, by the way Liz, I still have the photos :D

11. We shared diabolical chuckles when she gave a speech about Sex Education in school, despite the fact that we live in a very conservative Asian society, in an even more conservative high-school. Only one word is worthy of describing the reactions to her pièce de résistance: Priceless. Come to think of it now, I guess the teachers were too busy being horrified at that time, to figure that today she'd be a journalist, and just like years back, she'd be researching and dishing out the scoop on news.

12. Of all the friends and people I've known in my entire life, Liz is the one person who's always been there for me, despite the geographical differences, graduating school, and all that. I always call her my friend because I like the term "bestie" and "best friend", but fact is, to me, she's not just a friend, she's family. And that's a pretty awesome thingy we have goin' on =)

There. 12 things you probably never knew. Of one of the awesomest person I know and am so grateful to have in my life. I should probably stop writing before she puts my head on the chopping board =P

So Liz, here's hoping you have an awesome year ahead, and many more to come (drats, I sound so cheesy, no poking fun! I'm obviously terrible at this.) What I want to say to you is this...

Sometimes life gets crappy and I know you've been going through so much stuff lately, but stay strong! I'm not gonna go all "everything happens for a reason" on you because optimism was never my thing. But I want you to know that no matter what happens, I believe you're strong enough to handle it all. You've been through more things than most people I know, and yet you've never let them keep you from being who you want to be.

Keep hangin' on and pushing on, and once all the crappy stuff's done and over with, you're gonna come out of the whole thing and be able to go "I survived! Hah!" Then you can scoff at the face of overcome-ed adversities, and I'll willingly be your sound engineer to setup microphones and speakers so the satisfied chuckles can permeate our atmosphere, stratosphere and all those what-have-you-spheres we learnt in primary school *grins* =D

Birthday wishes from me sprinkled with lotsa love, hugs and of course, 'em cheesecakes! =)

Gauge Your Appetite... Ergo I Gauged Mine.

So today I read this article from RealAge (that's the Dr. Mehmet Oz's, for the unfamiliar) that had a Gauge Your Appetite scale which I thought was pretty good. I think most of those appetite-gauging scales from other articles are sort of vague, and this one's so much clearer. I've hyperlinked the URL to the full article, so I'm just putting the scale here since that's the jist of it.

GAUGE YOUR APPETITE

0 Tank = Hungry

1/2 Tank = Edge is off

3/4 Tank = Satisfied and not hungry

Full Tank = Full and comfortable

Overflow Level S = Stuffed

Overflow Level OS = Overstuffed

Overflow Level BP = Button Pop/Exploding

Aim to stay in the 3/4 to Full Tank range -- satisfied at all times. You'll get there by eating regularly throughout the day. After applying the gauge for 2 weeks, you'll start to know instinctively why you're eating and, better yet, you'll train yourself to eat simply to keep your stomach -- not your emotions -- satisfied.

And then, more of my ramblings...

A few minutes in deep thought resulted in the realization that I'm almost always at "Full Tank". That's 24x7, with the exception of the hours that I'm asleep, of course. Mostly because I live by those fitness rules of eating every 3-4 hours, lean protein plus complex carbs. (Lately I've been guilty of having simple carbs like non-wholewheat waffles at work, ugh... crap food, I know, I know. I seriously need to stop putting crap into my system. Yuck. But that's another story.)

Thing is, I sometimes wonder if being almost always at "Full Tank" is a good or a bad thing. Probably because there's always those so-called-tips-of-a so-called-proper-diet which repeat like a mantra the phrase, "Eat when you're hungry (and not if you ain't)."

Ahh, enough of the trains of thought. I'm just gonna stick to my "eat every 3-4 hours". I need to get back to cracking my skull to think of ways to pack proper snacks to work instead. So I can ditch the office crap-food for good.

Electric Guitar Meanderings...

I need to start working on my performances in 3 different styles of music. The recent hiatus from the gym due to the injury means I have more evenings at home for electric guitar practice. But I still haven't been practising enough.

The fact is, I'm actually pretty confident. Darn, I actually am always overly confident. But what irks me, is this pesky voice at the back of my head, the lil ounce of doubt and nagging fear of "What if (insert negative thought here)". Argh, what a nuisance! Go away, negativity :(

After much serious thinking (and stressing), I've narrowed-down my list of options to...

1. Yngwie Malmsteen - Beethoven's 5th Symphony (Classical)

2. Joe Satriani - Midnight (I love this one for the two-handed tapping.)

3. Metallica - The Call Of Ktulu (Metal and Metallica is a natural choice for me. Only thing is I'm limited when it comes to Metallica because almost all of their other songs have vocals, and I need solo guitar.)

4. Joe Satriani - Starry Night (Pop, I think. Well I like it since it's mellow. It's hard to find a good solo electric guitar mellow, emotion-ey song, and this happens to be one of them.)

5. Yngwie Malmsteen - Fugue (Classical/Neo-classical)

6. Joe Satriani - Super Colossal (Rock)

7. Van Halen - Eruption (Rock)

I don't know if I should pick my 3 from there. Or if any other songs are a better idea. But hey, I just realized, the venting helped, haha. In a strange and funny way, I don't feel so intimidated and flustered now that I've gotten some of the possible songs listed. But still...

I feel like I'm biting off more than I can chew (again!) Arghhhhhh! I feel like screaming. The stress is killing me. But I have to do it.

Gotta stay positive, gotta stay positive...

I want the pain to go away. And not just the physical kind.

I'm bummed! I don't think I've been making any progress towards my 15% bodyfat percentage target lately. If anything, I might've even been gaining and not even know it. And boy, do I have much to grumble about.

My regular gym routine is 5 days/sessions per week; of 1-2 hours of cardio plus 1 hour of weight-training every session. Granted, there are people in the world who exercise more than me... but I don't think I'm doing too badly either, considering that the average person does less than that.

But unless the weighing scale is faulty or my eyes have gone blurry, I haven't lost weight. I'm doing the whole "ignorance is bliss" thing with measurements and bodyfat percentage right now because I fear that if I checked and found that I'm not making progress, I'd be so crushed it'll kill me. Argh :(

.....

I'm frustrated, disgruntled, and I know JUST where to dump my anger at.

Food. The saboteur of every other effort I've put in towards my 15% target. Dagnabbit.

Food is my downfall and I just know it. I been slacking on the calorie-counting lately. Having to attend multiple offsite trainings for work isn't helping either. Hotel food, training-centre food, eating out... I cringe everytime I eat 'bad' food, knowing that consuming those things is practically feeding my body with 'poison'. And yet I have to eat them. My days are a vicious cycle of...

(1) I know that the food is bad for me --> (2) I eat it anyway (either by choice, or because I have no choice) --> (3) I regret it and the guilt eats at me.

Lather, rinse, repeat.

.....

To make things worse, I've been behind on my gym-sessions lately. The shin splint is gone, but the hamstring thingy has been bugging me for 3 weeks now and it refuses to go away. It's painful even when I'm lying down. My legs refuse to perform the way I want them to during my workouts.

The injuries are robbing me of my momentum and I desperately need to get it back. I want to regain momentum. I need my mojo back.

Yesterday evening I was suddenly hit by this super-irked feeling. I'm tired of the injury and physical pain holding me back from exercising. And I'm tired of the self-sabotage, not eating right and washing down the gutter all my efforts of working towards my target physique.

The truth is that I want to get back to my gym routine but I'm scared. I remember how badly I did in my last BodyCombat class... I knew I wasn't executing the kicks properly because of the pain in my legs. I worry that I'd go into an RPM class, if the pain got so bad, and what I'd do because I've never in my entire life walked out midway through an RPM class. I want to run on the treadmill but I'm so afraid I'll fall or that something crazy might happen because my legs aren't even doing a good job of plain walking.

I don't feel like seeing a doctor. And I'm sick and tired of people around me who BLAME exercise for causing the injury. Actually I'm fed-up with everyone who acts as if exercise was bad for me. What is wrong with people nowadays? *sigh*

But back to the injury... I just can't let it hold me back anymore. This crap's been going on for 3 weeks. Amidst my doubts, my strong-willed inner voice says, "And if the pain doesn't go away, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna just sit back and wait for it to go away? You don't even know when (or if!) it's gonna go away. Seriously, you need to move on."

And I know my inner voice is right. So right now, I'm just operating on the basis of "Scroo the injury, I'm moving on."

.....

The plan for today was to go for RPM, followed by BodyPump. It's now way past 5pm and I'm stuck in offsite training, and it's not gonna end anytime soon. I'm tired, and I'm mentally and physically drained. I've been deprived of my regular gym-sessions this week because of the training, and today it's dragging on extra-late. Hopefully it'll finish soon and I'll head for the gym. I guess hopes of RPM have been shattered... I'll just head for the treadmill and then BodyPump.

I really am tired. Of everything from the physical pain, to being mentally drained, to work-stuff that's bogging me down, to the other things occupying my mind, some of which I can't put my finger to. I wish I could close my eyes and when I open them up again, everything would be fine.

All I want to feel is that life wasn't zapping the life out of me.

Of parrots, copycats and knock-offs...

I'm super-irked. Some people are such wannabes and copycats! It's pathetic. It's ridiculous.

Imitation is the LAMEST form of flattery. That's my stand and I'm sticking to it. And this time, when I say "imitation", I'm not just talking about designer knock-offs which are so prevalent in M'sia. I'm talking about living, breathing, walking imitations... people who copy other people.

Recently, a certain Lil Miss Wannabe has decided to parrot (verb) me; and her constant shameless copying of the words I use and the way I talk and write; is plain tap-dancing on my nerves. And parroting is just a tiny chunk off her entire nauseating wannabe-esque. Oh yes, there's more... I can assure you there's more. But I'm not gonna list them down here. Because I refuse to waste time on people who are nuts. In the words of Dilbert, "If you spend all of your time arguing with people who are nuts, you'll be exhausted and the nuts will still be nuts."

A mutual friend once 'reported' to me that Lil Miss Wannabe is (and I paraphrase) "trying to appear cooler than she actually is". I do not disagree.

People who try too hard just baffle and annoy me to no end. I think the most unimpressive people are the ones who are constantly trying to impress others (talk about irony!).

It's like who they are; got lost in the turbulence of trying to keep up this illusion of a faux-person they *think* others would love.

All this reminds me of one of the quotes I used during those public speaking competitions from high school: "Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." I loved that quote then, and I still do now. I do believe that people are better off when they learn to ditch attempts of trying to be bad Xeroxes of other people, and work on being the awesomest-possible unique master copy of themselves. (Note: I'm aware that 'awesomest' is technically not a *real* word. But I just like saying it. It's my thing, let it go :P)

When I first started writing this, I was angry. But now I realize that there's really no reason to be angry at copycats.. be it Lil Miss Wannabe, or any other copycat I have or will come across. Getting angry is a waste of energy (I've got a better use for that energy - save it for my next weight-training session!) and totally unnecessary. Why let 'little nothings' upset me? Let 'em be. Let 'em copy all they want. After all, keep that up, and the only person they're damaging is themselves. (Side note: I'm struggling to resist the temptation to type "*insert evil laugh here*" after my last sentence, LOL)

Because when you come to think of it, if someone's a second-rate version of you, and you're a first-rate version of you, then saying who's better is merely stating the obvious, isn't it? :)

P/S. Two things don't change though... (1) I still think that imitation is the lamest form of flattery. (2) I still hate designer knock-offs. Blearch.