I'm bummed! I don't think I've been making any progress towards my 15% bodyfat percentage target lately. If anything, I might've even been gaining and not even know it. And boy, do I have much to grumble about.
My regular gym routine is 5 days/sessions per week; of 1-2 hours of cardio plus 1 hour of weight-training every session. Granted, there are people in the world who exercise more than me... but I don't think I'm doing too badly either, considering that the average person does less than that.
But unless the weighing scale is faulty or my eyes have gone blurry, I haven't lost weight. I'm doing the whole "ignorance is bliss" thing with measurements and bodyfat percentage right now because I fear that if I checked and found that I'm not making progress, I'd be so crushed it'll kill me. Argh :(
.....
I'm frustrated, disgruntled, and I know JUST where to dump my anger at.
Food. The saboteur of every other effort I've put in towards my 15% target. Dagnabbit.
Food is my downfall and I just know it. I been slacking on the calorie-counting lately. Having to attend multiple offsite trainings for work isn't helping either. Hotel food, training-centre food, eating out... I cringe everytime I eat 'bad' food, knowing that consuming those things is practically feeding my body with 'poison'. And yet I have to eat them. My days are a vicious cycle of...
(1) I know that the food is bad for me --> (2) I eat it anyway (either by choice, or because I have no choice) --> (3) I regret it and the guilt eats at me.
Lather, rinse, repeat.
.....
To make things worse, I've been behind on my gym-sessions lately. The shin splint is gone, but the hamstring thingy has been bugging me for 3 weeks now and it refuses to go away. It's painful even when I'm lying down. My legs refuse to perform the way I want them to during my workouts.
The injuries are robbing me of my momentum and I desperately need to get it back. I want to regain momentum. I need my mojo back.
Yesterday evening I was suddenly hit by this super-irked feeling. I'm tired of the injury and physical pain holding me back from exercising. And I'm tired of the self-sabotage, not eating right and washing down the gutter all my efforts of working towards my target physique.
The truth is that I want to get back to my gym routine but I'm scared. I remember how badly I did in my last BodyCombat class... I knew I wasn't executing the kicks properly because of the pain in my legs. I worry that I'd go into an RPM class, if the pain got so bad, and what I'd do because I've never in my entire life walked out midway through an RPM class. I want to run on the treadmill but I'm so afraid I'll fall or that something crazy might happen because my legs aren't even doing a good job of plain walking.
I don't feel like seeing a doctor. And I'm sick and tired of people around me who BLAME exercise for causing the injury. Actually I'm fed-up with everyone who acts as if exercise was bad for me. What is wrong with people nowadays? *sigh*
But back to the injury... I just can't let it hold me back anymore. This crap's been going on for 3 weeks. Amidst my doubts, my strong-willed inner voice says, "And if the pain doesn't go away, what are you gonna do? Are you gonna just sit back and wait for it to go away? You don't even know when (or if!) it's gonna go away. Seriously, you need to move on."
And I know my inner voice is right. So right now, I'm just operating on the basis of "Scroo the injury, I'm moving on."
.....
The plan for today was to go for RPM, followed by BodyPump. It's now way past 5pm and I'm stuck in offsite training, and it's not gonna end anytime soon. I'm tired, and I'm mentally and physically drained. I've been deprived of my regular gym-sessions this week because of the training, and today it's dragging on extra-late. Hopefully it'll finish soon and I'll head for the gym. I guess hopes of RPM have been shattered... I'll just head for the treadmill and then BodyPump.
I really am tired. Of everything from the physical pain, to being mentally drained, to work-stuff that's bogging me down, to the other things occupying my mind, some of which I can't put my finger to. I wish I could close my eyes and when I open them up again, everything would be fine.
All I want to feel is that life wasn't zapping the life out of me.
